Strength in Numbers

The message I’m meant to receive from the Universe is clear: live life to its fullest. None of us know how much time we have, so enjoy every moment. The message was given to me through songs, billboards, blog posts, even from Rob Thomas himself.

Anyone who knows me knows I certainly am one to live life to its fullest. I won’t put off a trip even if I can’t afford it and I won’t hesitate to tell others how I feel about them. But there’s so much more I want to do. There’s so much, professionally and personally, I want to accomplish. This weighed heavy on my mind as I made the drive from Spokane to Seattle. It rained almost the entire way there. I couldn’t even use my cruise control. But I had music and my own company. I made the most of it.

I arrived at the Silver Cloud and, ironically, it was sunny in downtown Seattle. I checked in, got my luggage up to my room on the top floor, and called P. Emotion weighed heavy in her voice. My heart began to pound as soon as I talked to her, a giant lump forming in my throat. She and her other brother were cleaning out TJ’s apartment. There was nothing I could do to help her at that particular moment, but just being in the same city and knowing I could be there at a moment’s notice gave me some relief.

After a delicious dinner with Sydney in the hotel’s restaurant, I headed back up to my room. I put my pajamas on, drank copious amounts of Earl Gray tea, and wrote while I listened to music. “If Today Was Your Last Day” by Nickelback played, haunting me. I popped a Melatonin and climbed into my comfortable king sized bed, drifting off to sleep… temporarily. The trains passing through didn’t mess around. They honked repeatedly every time. I wondered how MsSantos, less than a mile away, ever got any sleep.

The next day, after some more writing and a workout, I was greeted by Sydney’s other bff (and a friend I’ve since claimed for myself), D. This is a girl who had to grow up way too fast and has taken care of herself at a younger age than most of us. Recently, D hit a string of bad luck that would drive anyone crazy. She moved into a new apartment and got a new job, something she was very excited about. Unfortunately, the job turned out to provide significantly less income than she’d hoped for. Then, she met one of those not-so-nice men that sadly exist in too high of a number. All she did was turn him down for a date (after he approached her on the street). He found out where she lived, robbed her, and later attacked her outside her place of employment, throwing bleach in her face and impairing her vision.

The good news is, they caught the guy and he’s currently sitting in jail awaiting trial. Physically, D is OK, but obviously, she’s shaken up. She isn’t going back to work at that place as she doesn’t feel safe. She’s moved out of her new apartment for the same reasons and is staying with family until she gets back on her feet, something she has never had to do before. Anyone else would be broken, bitter and fearful. But not D. After telling me the harrowing story, she instantly told me that she’s not going to let one bad experience ruin her outlook on life. She will learn to trust again and she will get back on her feet in every way. I admire her strength and her overwhelmingly positive attitude.

D and I headed over to the WaMu Theater and enjoyed the Rob Thomas show. The opening acts were good, Rob was incredible, and the crowd was having fun. Then, we got to meet Rob after the show, courtesy of a friend in the radio industry and my begging and pleading. He’s my favorite performer, and I’ve had the pleasure of meeting him twice. I was feeling pretty grateful as D and I headed back to the hotel room, had some midnight snacks, and went to sleep.

Of course, Friday would not be such a good day, and I knew it. It was pouring down rain, heavy even by Seattle standards. I checked out of the Silver Cloud and headed to TJ’s Memorial Service with plenty of time to spare. I wanted to get there early to make sure P knew I was there and help if I could. Of course, Mapquest is about as reliable as the Seattle weather, and before long I found myself lost in the UW district (also known as enemy territory for this Cougar). I stopped for directions twice. No one had heard of the park. I used 411 to get the number and got a voicemail. Feeling alone and helpless and unable to reach P, I broke down and cried. The crying fogged up my windows, and no matter what I did, nothing would clear them. Not my finest moment.

Eventually, I managed to find my way to the park, but I was half an hour late. After asking for directions to the appropriate building, I parked about a block away and ran, heels flying, Coach umbrella over my head, to the memorial. When I entered, TJ’s friends were telling the most amazing stories about him. I was overwhelmed by the humor, kindness and adventurous nature they were remembering. TJ’s, while far too short, was definitely a life well-lived. He did more in 42 years than many of us will do in a lifetime. I also had the pleasure of hearing P talk about him. Her speech had me bawling before she finished the first sentence… a loving, sweet tribute to her brother.

After the memorial, I met P and TJ’s friends at a bar on Capitol Hill. Finally, I had the chance to talk to my friend and give her my support. P is far from OK, but I saw the strength I’ve seen in her for 15 years, a strength that will carry her through even the unthinkable. I found myself, again, admiring the strength of a friend.

Before long, Sydney was off work, home and starving. I promised her I was on my way, paid the tab, and left. The rain, which hadn’t let up all day, was still pouring. I had directions to Sydney’s new house, but they were from the wrong location. I did the best I could (after getting lost so much, I was beginning to figure out Seattle) and she talked me through the rest of the way. My vents still weren’t working. Everything was foggy. I couldn’t see. Then other things started to fail. I have never been so glad to see Sydney in my life, waiting for me in her driveway under her pink umbrella.

Sydney and I had an amazing meal. She, too, has been faced with recent uncertainties regarding her career and some other business decisions. The things she was faced with would’ve driven an ordinary person crazy. But Sydney is no ordinary person. She’s a problem solver to the core. As I listened to her describe the problem and the positive outcome, I found myself admiring strength for the third time in three days.

The next morning, I went to start my car and discovered the battery had died. According to Mr. W, excessive rain can mess with cars and mine had been a victim. An hour and a chunk of cash later, my car was running and I was on my way home. Unfortunately, the radio was still dead. Whoever sold me the car didn’t include the manual, but apparently, getting my radio to work again will require a code that no one has. I drove for five hours in silence with too much rain to use my cruise control (again).

I’m not even going to pretend all that silence didn’t make me even crazier than I was before. And I didn’t come home to a perfect life. I’m still stuck in the reality that my writing career hasn’t taken off the way I’d hoped. I’m left with bills I can’t pay and uncertainty about the future. My car is going downhill fast and the radio may never work again.

But these problems are temporary and I know that this, too, shall pass. And with such strong women in my life…. survivors who persevere through life’s challenges and tragedies and come out stronger in the end… how can I feel anything but lucky and grateful? With these women around me, showing me that failure is not an option, there is no way I’ll allow myself to give up. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let my full life be anything but successful.